The Golden Telephone


A man in Topeka, Kansas, decided to write a book about churches around the country. He started by flying to San Francisco and started working east from there. Going to a very large church he began taking photographs and making notes. He spotted a golden telephone on the vestibule wall and was intrigued with a sign that read, “$10,000 per minute.” Seeking out the pastor, he asked about the phone and the sign. The pastor answered that the golden phone is, in fact, a direct line to Heaven, and if he pays the price, he can talk directly to God. The man thanked the pastor and continued on his way. He continued his quest and visited churches in Seattle, Salt Lake City, Denver, Chicago, Milwaukee, and around the United States, he found more such phones with the same sign and the same explanation from each pastor.

Finally, the man arrived in Texas. Upon entering a church, behold, he saw the usual golden telephone. But THIS time, the sign read: “Calls: 25 cents”!? Fascinated, the man sought out the pastor and asked, “Reverend, I have been in cities all across the country and in each church I have found this golden telephone, and have been told it is a direct line to Heaven, and that I could use it to talk to God…. But in 20 other churches, the cost was $10,000 per minute. Your sign says 25 cents per call. ….Why is that?

The pastor, smiling kindly, replied:

“Son, you’re in Texas now and it’s a local call.”

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A bit of levity despite the madness

In a constant effort to grow in the spirit of humility and sometinesitisbesttokeepyourmouthshutness, I must share a Red letter day for a social media FAIL! Enjoy!

 

Dateline November 2nd, 2012;

So an old friend and all around good guy updates his relationship status on Facebook to “engaged”! Good stuff!

As I scroll past it, happy for him, I see a shared post praising the hope of a Romney victory. So in true form, I must contribute to the comment string, as I have grown tired of all of the banter. As I submitted my comment, I could only watch with perplexity a refreshing of the newsfeed on my cell phone screen . In just moments confusion led to horror as I saw that my comment had been misplaced into the congratulatory string of my friends relationship update, instead of the string intended, the “Romney” comment. As hard as I tried, it seemed that it could not be deleted quick enough! Enjoy the context of a comment out of place!

My comment ;

“Only if it ushers in a resurgence of our founders intent, without that any stooge will do!”

Your Chance To Be “Spiritual”

Ok, so this entire post is SATIRE, it is written completely for some humor. A long time ago I was in a small group where a guy said that people who are Spiritual mark up their Bible. Because of this a friend of mine and I came up with our next business venture. Pre-marked Bibles. You can imagine the advertising. What’s sad is I have a feeling if we were to do this for real, we’d probably get some business.

Below you will find our pricing Chart. All prices do not include the cost of the actual Bible which will vary depending on version, style and preference. For a complete list of available Bibles please visit our web page.

  • Pre-Washed Bibles    $6 (some styles cost more)
  • Random Mark Up (3 Colors Only)$12  (every color thereafter is $2 each color, Max 12 colors
  • Themed Mark Up $25   (See below for Denominational Preference)
    • Baptist  +$20
    • Evangelical Free +$10
    • Reformed -$5
    • Charismatic +$10 (Charismatic Calvinist please call support line)
    • Pentecostal +$15
    • Emergent +/-$5
    • Catholics +$50
    • Open Theist +$19
  • Do It Yourself Card Kit (A must for every wanna be) $10
  • Margin Tabs  $8
  • Personal Testimony $10,$15, or $20 (See below)
    • $10 Strait Testimony. You were born, your Dad and Mum shared the gospel with you when you were a little kid. You repented.
    • $15 Extra Testimony. You were born, you repented. You back slid in your teen years. You came back around. Or we can do one for you with a little wild living in your teen years. Etc. For an extra $5 we can customize for you.
    • $20 Super Deluxe Testimony. This is Mike Warnke territory here. We’ll make up all sorts of crazy stories for you. Prison? No problem. We guarantee you can use this testimony right out of the shoot.
    • Please note, for an additional $10 we can write almost any style testimony you desire.
  • Signatures. Impress all your friends with famous speakers signatures inside your Bible. Only $20 for up to 4 signatures. 25 Signatures for $100. What a savings!
  • Margined End notes. Don’t have time to study? No problem we can solve all those issues for you by putting margin notes in for you. We can put in notes, “personal”  moments. This feature is completely customizable. See below for pricing
    • 3 for $12
    • 15 for $50 (Save $10)
  • Need some important dates to make your testimony complete? We can add some made up dates for you. Very reasonably priced at $4 per date.
  • Good Husband/Wife Theme. Impress that guy or girl with the “Bible Study” you did on what the Bible has to say about being a good spouse. Only $30!! We can even add margin notes for you for an incredible low low price of $15 extra!
  • Any Quality Theme just $30!!!
  • Vocational Theme just $30!!!
  • Don’t have time to pick out your own life verse? Let us do it for you! Only $4!
  • Want the testimony to go with the life verse? We’ll have our fiction writers whip one up in no time at all for you, for a mere $15 extra!
  • Want your binding broken? We’ll add that for $20

Look more spiritual at Bible Study for less than you ever thought possible.