This is a question that I have heard so many times….in fact….I remember asking this same question myself many years ago.
Some think it should be as simple as “you take this, and I’ll take that, and I will pick up the kids every 1st, 3rd and 5th weekend”, put it in a decree, put a stamp on it to make it official and there you go…..but it never is….is it!
Why? Simple answer. Because the heart is involved!
Whenever the heart is involved, it’s never easy. It can get downright messy sometimes because emotions are all twisted and tied up in it. Promises were not kept. Vows were broken. Hearts were torn.
I remember my pastor asking when he was counseling me about getting remarried, “so what are you going to do different this time?” My response, “everything”!
I cannot blame the collapse and demise of my first marriage solely on my ex…my big fat head was all wrapped up in it as well. I made my share of mistakes. I caused my share of heartaches. I inflicted my share of pain. I did my part in causing irreparable damage to the marriage.
It wasn’t easy by any stretch of the imagination, but there were kids involved, so I chose to make the stance that I would never say anything negative about their mother in front of my children. Now, I can’t say that I always stuck to my own rule….but I tried.
I realized at one point though that I had to let go of my bitterness. It was poisoning me and could quite possibly affect my relationship with my children as well as any future relationship that I may have.
Marriage isn’t always easy….so why would we think that divorce could be? What we have to remember is that other peoples lives are involved in this. Not just the husband, the wife, or the children, but in-laws and parents and friends and co-workers and so on and so on.
We have to choose to keep it civil. Take other peoples feelings into consideration. Guard your tongue….and I know it’s going to be hard to do…but keep your emotions at a minimum.
And my last bit of advice…if He isn’t now…put God back at the center of your life. Lean on Him in these difficult times.