Did God Create the Orgasm?

I ran across a quote today that reaffirmed for me something I’ve been thinking for a long time. I’m afraid that as a church we are sitting on one of two extremes. The one is obviously wrong, the other I am afraid has a falseWedding_ring
pretension to holiness and it could not be further from the truth. The idea that all sex is OK, sleep with whomever and do whatever outside the context of marriage is obviously wrong.  But there is another idea that is just as dangerous. The idea that sex itself is wrong.  In fact I came across a quote today that said, “Let’s be clear on something! Only Carnal Godless men constantly think about Sex. Godly men do not constantly think about sex.” (Emphasis mine)
That statement sounds spiritual, but really it is as dangerous as the “do Sexbad
anything you want to do” statement. It is true that Carnal, Godless men think about sex but so do Godly, Spiritual men. For crying out loud, God invented sex. In fact, I think for the Christian we should be adamant about protecting our sex lives and enjoying them.
The sex in your married bedroom should be the best sex in town. Period! Why? Because God created it to be that way.  Sex is not bad. Sex is good. God designed it. I don’t think God puts limits on what you can do with your spouse either—as long as no one else is involved.Handsc2
Get crazy with it. Enjoy each other. God gave it to you. He created it to be a physical representation of His relationship with the church. I want to ask all of you fine people who think sex is bad a question, “Did God invent the orgasm? I’m serious here. Did God create the orgasm to feel the way it feels? I think any honest Christian would have to say, “Yes.” So here’s the follow up question, “Why?” Why would God—who knows all there is to know about us, create sex the way He did?
Maybe, it is because he wanted us to know what heaven will be like?  Perhaps that feeling of satisfaction, of being satiated, is a small glimpse of the sensation that we will feel in Heaven.  I realize I can’t back that up from Scripture so if you think I’m wrong I want to know what you think.
Here’s what I think. God created sex and it is an awesome thing. It should be talked about in church. We should model loving relationships where we teach our kids that married couples do have sex!
If you think I’m wrong I want you to show me one place where God calls sex bad. You can’t do it. Now, of course I think that sex should only be between one man and one woman and we as fallen human being mess that up.
However, we’ve gone too far. We’ve allowed the perverts to take what is ours, given to us by God. We stop talking about sex in good terms because there are perverts out there twisting it. Worse, we make stupid statements like the one above. I don’t understand.
What’s worse is there are terrible ramifications when statements like this one are made.  What happens is people who are normal start to think there is something wrong with them.  A man, who loves God but finds his wife sexy starts to think that maybe he’s “carnal.” A woman who feels moving in her loins when she sees her husband will try to repress that feeling afraid that she may be carnal, or not spiritual.
I say, one of the way that we show our spirituality by embracing the sexual beings that God created us to be.
Here’s some Scripture to back up what I’m saying.

Proverbs 5:

18. May your fountain be blessed,
and may you rejoice in the wife of your youth.
19 A loving doe, a graceful deer—
may her breasts satisfy you always,
may you ever be captivated by her love.
20 Why be captivated, my son, by an adulteress?
Why embrace the bosom of another man’s wife?

If I read those verses correctly we’re told that one way to keep from having an affair is to be sexual with our spouse. If I read it wrong, explain it to me.
Paul tells us in I Corinthians 7

3The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. 4The wife’s body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband’s body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. 5Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.

I am tired of Christians acting like sex is something that God didn’t invent. He did. He did it for a reason.  God could have chosen for us to procreate in any number of ways. He chose this way.
Furthermore, God put the desire for sex into us. It’s a strong desire that can be misused and perverted. That doesn’t make it bad, just misused.
Lastly, if you think I’m wrong go read Song of Songs. There are some pretty strong sexual images in there.
The church should be a place where healthy sexual relationships are exemplified. We should be passionate about pursuing our spouse. We should be doing everything we can to kindle the romance of our marriages. One of the things that God finds most grievous is when two people claiming to be Christians live in a dead, cold relationship and somehow give Him credit for it.
Let’s be clear, sexual perversion is wrong. That is any sex outside of marriage is against how God created it to be. But sex is good. Sex is created by God and it can teach us something about Him. We should be doing everything we can to have a passionate sex life with our spouse. That brings honor to God.

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About Joe

I am a simple guy. I live in West Michigan and have a counseling business. I also do public speaking. I'd love to hear your story.

25 thoughts on “Did God Create the Orgasm?

  1. Good reminder! Somehow the ‘world-view’ out here is: ‘christians’ consider sex is sin. What the? Even one of my housemate thought that was why Adam and Eve was punished, because they had sex! Clearly, the Bible did NOT say that!

    Let’s get back to the truth and see what the Bible (i.e. God’s Word) truly say! There are too many UNHEALTHY common believes out there!

  2. Good for you to tackle a touchy subject indeed. You’re quite right – sex in a proper marital relationship is awesome, and I certainly can testify to there being a huge difference to having it outside of such. I stupidly (despite being a Christian at the time) lost my virginity at 17 or so (and I was always considered ultra sensible by my family – too smart to be stupid!!), and that led on to compromising myself for the next year or so, until the Lord thankfully brought me up short and hammered me heavily about it. I was a ‘renewed’ virgin when I met my husband 12 years later and am so grateful for that fact, as it made a huge difference. For the first time in my life I understood what having a soul connection meant and it was truly an awesome experience. Sadly he died in 1998, but I’m more than contented now – having had that love in my life in the purest sense, I’ve no desire now to seek for it again. But I know talking to some other Christian friends, they’re deeply grateful that I grant them that freedom to discuss their sex lives with me, knowing I’m not going to judge or compare etc. But true Christian marital guidance in fullness is sadly lacking heavily in churches – be the last place most would look for it. Good blog – keep the good work up! Blessings, TKR

  3. Yes, God did create sex and made it enjoyable, but don’t you think we need to exercise a little cautionary discretion when talking about it. Certainly in preaching venues, but also in many small group situations, there are those in our midst who are in no position to pursue sexual relations. Humans do not have a good track record when it comes to sexual immorality, it seems a particularly susceptible target for temptation. Since it is so easy to stir folk up in this area, and since a certain percentage of our “audience” is unable to pursue this desire righteously, we should exercise caution and due diligence in how we approach the subject. I know the Bible is replete with sexual incidents, but only the Song of Songs pulls the curtain back on romance in any depth or detail. That in itself says something about God’s discretion concerning the subject. No, we shouldn’t be silent, embarassed or afraid, but we should be careful.

  4. I think you’ve hit something that has been a major problem for Christian families in the past. I think that this problem is not as bad as it once was, but it still is around. It’s the practice of making snap judgements about something because of lack of knowledge.

    Christians realize that sex is a necessity in marriage, but they can’t figure out how to teach their kids about healthy sex inside of marriage. It’s easier and less uncomfortable to tell them “No, don’t do that.”

    For instance, when moving pictures came out, many Christians of that time refused to see it because it was apparently a tool of evil. Rick Warren wrote about the father of a girl he was dating who refused to let them go on a date to see “The Sound of Music” because he had somehow reasoned that this movie was evil. Rock and roll was the same way, but now has revolutionized not only secular but Christian music as well.

    I think Christians of today are finally getting to the point where we don’t totally discount something because it has negative potential, when in fact anything we have or use or watch can be used negatively. Instead of throwing something totally out, we need to be doing what it says in Titus 2:6-8:

    Similarly, encourage the young men to be self-controlled. In everything set them an example by doing what is good. In your teaching show integrity, seriousness and soundness of speech that cannot be condemned, so that those who oppose you may be ashamed because they have nothing bad to say about us.

    Teach people to use things for good and the about the good that can come out of them, then you should have little to worry about. Hope that makes sense. 🙂

  5. SLW, we couldn’t agree more. However if that “caution” leads us to be silent on the issue to the point where people think that they are carnal because they are thinking about their spouse then we’ve gone too far. I’ve seen it numerous times. There are too many people who think sex is sin because the church has been silent. I don’t need to give you the intimate details of my sex life, but I should demonstrate a passionate pursuit of my spouse. We should be talking about it. My wife has an excellent post on her journal about the correlation between sex and prayer. We must stop demonizing the desires that are God given. As I said in my post, either extreme is dangerous.

  6. SLW,
    I agree with you about procceeding with caution in talking about sex. I often thought it was ok to talk in detail about my sex life. I don’ t think that is neccessary. I know a couple who think it is wrong to kiss in front of their children. That is insane! No one needs to know the details of your love life but your relationship with your spouse is a reflection of your relationship with Christ. We should want our kids to see us kissing and showing affection. We are modeling to them marriage. People who are getting married should be talked to about sex and how delightful it is in the context of marriage. Couples should mentor couples. Sex should be talked about from the pulpit. The pastor does not need to talk about his personal sexual experiences but words like caressing , fondling , orgasm, oral sex are all naughty words in christian circles. Why is this? Maybe these things are designed to give us pleasure the same pleasure we can feel in our relationship with Christ.
    Discernment is always a good thing. No one needs play by play of a persons sex life. But we should never be afraid to share the correlation between are relationship with our spouse and our relationship with God.

  7. Joe & Erica,
    I hear what you’re saying. Mankind has taken something beautiful and messed it all up– and that’s just the church. There is absolutely nothing dirty about the marriage bed. A corrective is definitely needed, I just hope the cure doesn’t end up being worse than the disease.

  8. Good discussion, but it raises some other important issues. I just stumbled on this blog so I’m only commenting because you made me start thinking. It’s all your fault.

    God created orgasms. Thank God! However, he also created ovulation. At that time in a woman’s body, her sexual desire is heightened and intensified, and her “garden” (Song of Solomon) is at its most “fruitful” and pleasurable time. Why is that? Because God wanted our most intense sexual experience to create children. If you want Christians to acknowledge the obvious logic of sex being a good thing that God created for our pleasure, you must also acknowledge that pregnancy is a good thing created for our blessing. You simply can’t take only the part of sex that feels good and elevate it to some kind of idealistic pursuit of pleasure and claim that is God’s design.

    Instead of teaching the whole truth about sex, the church has blindly followed the unbelieving world down the rabbit hole of separating sex from procreation. When we try to circumvent with “birth control” what God created for our good and blessing, we become little demigods, and we turn sex into a completely self-centered act divorced from its original created purpose. Pregnancy then becomes a “failure” of our attempts to thwart God’s design, rather than the obvious success that it is of God overcoming our puny efforts at trying to wrest control from him. We then treat what God intended to be a blessing from sex as something “bad” and unwanted, and we wonder why married couples struggle with sex. It’s because we’ve been “comformed to the world” and pushed God out of the garden.

    There is no question that, of all people, Christians should not be ashamed of sex. We have every reason to rejoice in it, and preach that it is the right, the privilege, and yes even the duty, of Christian couples to have a fulfilling and satisfying sex life. However, it is a holy act and should be treated as such in our language. We run the risk of profaning what God made to be holy when we talk about sex as just another biological act. Because it was designed by God to create life, it is a sacred union that deserves our respect and even reverence. Sex was created before the fall, so it was declared by God to be “good.” So Christians who would call it “bad” contradict the direct voice of God. However, having children was also declared “good” by God, so we err just as much to ever allow pregnancy to become something unwanted and bad in a marriage. We can’t just pick what we want from God’s design.

    Postscript: I am not Catholic. I am a conservative, evangelical, seminar-trained, 55 year-old father of four. I came by my convictions by study and experience in marriage, and by simply contemplating God’s design. It’s really not that complicated.

  9. Clay, an interesting take, I’m not sure I’ve anything like that outside of Catholic circles. Are you sure you don’t kiss a ring? 🙂

  10. No, I don’t “kiss a ring.” And that’s just a bit snarky, dontchathink?

    More important than that, though, I try hard not to be conformed to the culture. The evangelical church, though it would deny it vehemently, pretty much plays by the Planned Parenthood rule book when it comes to birth control. They created the idea that personal pleasure is the goal of sex, and anything that gets in the way of that (such as conception) is a bad thing. By elevating the idea of sexual pleasure (orgasm) to a humanistic ideal, they were able to lower the idea of conception to a controllable annoyance, whether before or after fertilization. We rightly reject PP’s idea of abortion as birth control, but we unthinkingly conform to PP’s ideas that gave birth to the abortion industry.

    Maybe a personal testimony is in order here. When my wife I were first married, we actually went to Planned Parenthood to learn about birth control, because we thought we were supposed to be able to “enjoy” our new marriage without the inconvenience of pregnancy. Keep in mind, we were both conservative Christians in full time ministry. Even after our first child, we still tried every conceiveable method not to conceive. It was unnatural, and turned sex into just an orgasmatronic exercise. It finally hit me that God never intended for us to interfere with something he created for our good. We stopped playing God, and decided to let God be our birth controller. We went natural in sex, which if you are married you know is much better and much more enjoyable, and we never regretted it. What we did regret, after four miscarriages, is the children we might have had but didn’t because we just wanted a good orgasm, but nothing else.

    Now, if that sounds Catholic to you, you must be reading Catholic literature. I wouldn’t know, since I have never read one single book by a Catholic on anything to do with marriage or family. My reading has all been conservative and evangelical. I graduated with honors from Denver Seminary, so I take my biblical views seriously. I would challenge you to take seriously the notion that God designed sex for our good, just as he designed conception and children for our good. I think you’re reading Scripture correctly about orgasms and sex, but you are stopping short of taking God fully at his word. There are some evangelical books out there I could suggest, but you don’t need them to simply consider the logic and reason behind God’s design for sex and children. In fact, show me one Scripture that gives us the right to interfere with God’s design by using birth control to prevent the very thing that God created us for and commands us to do (have children) and declares is a blessing to us as parents.

    This won’t be a popular point of view, but I believe it is a solidly biblical one. Evangelicalism has always suffered from trying to get a bit too close to culture in order to change it, but I think the church has unquestionably been changed by culture in the case of sex. We’ve got the truth, but we’re afraid to preach it.

  11. Clay:
    I’ll only confess to being snarky if you define it for me, or pick a definition from the urban dictionary [pick the good one!]. 🙂
    I have five kids myself, and have many Christian friends who think along the lines you propose. So I’m not trying to undermine your viewpoint or even belittle it. But I do think it’s narrow enough and just tenuous enough biblically that there are a lot of people who will love God and love his Word but not be able to share that viewpoint. For instance, surely you wouldn’t say that the Song of Solomon has anything to do with sex for procreation? You seem ready to accept that others of goodwill will see this differently, so it’s all good. Any way, I like your willingness to not be bamboozled by culture, would that we had a bit more of that in us. God bless.

  12. I make up my own lexical entries, thank you. Snarky: “offputingly sacrastic and mildly condescending.” And, please, don’t ask for a definition of “offputingly.” However, five kids definitely gives you a pass on snarkiness.

    I had no intention of speaking for everyone, nor of judging anyone’s personal opinions, or even of trying to address every “reality” that originates from this issue (that’s would be a book, not a post). My only point was to raise some legitimate arguments for the place of orgasm in God’s design for marriage. You opened the door to my comments when you asked the question, “Why would God—who knows all there is to know about us, create sex the way He did?”. I have simply been interacting with that inquiry.

    You made some interesting points, but I don’t think you followed the logic of your own argument. I think stopping with orgasm is a logical coitus interruptus. Sure, I’ve speculated on the “heaven” angle, too, and yet there’s not a shred of evidence in Scripture to make that connection. The only reason I can see for orgasms, and for ovulation that iincreases a woman’s sexual preparation and satisfaction (exactly the same line of reasoning), is to make the creation of a new life something so special that the act of creating would be as amazing as the product of creating. Both are blessings from God, and they cannot be separated biblically or logically. Genesis 1-3 makes the connection clear. And while Song of Solomon may focus on the sex side of the equation, the connection with conception would have to be assumed. In the OT barrenness was a curse, and having a “fruitful” womb was considered the blessing of sex. Today, by contrast, we seek voluntary barrenness. We choose on purpose to avoid God’s full blessing.

    Of course, I realize there will be only a small percentage of Christians in our contraceptive culture who will ever be willing to break away from such strong cultural conditioning to ever seriously consider this kind of argument. But that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t hold up the biblical ideal. When biblical ideals are lowered to make it easy for everyone (eg, avoiding babies), Christians end up wandering and lost because they have no path to the blessing that every divine ideal holds for us. We may not ever make it to the ideal, but I believe we will be blessed, and the church will be better for it, by taking a step of faith toward that ideal, no matter how small or how far away one may be from it. But we have to know the ideal in order to move toward it.

    Jesus told the Pharisees that divorce was just a concession because of their hardness of heart, but that God’s ideal was that marriage was permanent. When he said, “from the beginning it has not been this way,” he was referring to God’s design for marriage from before the fall. His disciples were ready to boot the whole idea of marriage (“it’s better not to marry”) rather than give up the option of divorce and see marriage as permanent. I think that is exactly where we are today with sex and conception. The biblical ideal is that the ultimate purpose of sex is both for becoming “one” with your spouse, AND for becoming fruitful and having children–both are blessings inherent in his perfect design for marriage. But in giving us freedom of the Spirit under the new covenant, God allows us to use contraception (to be against creating life) because of our hardness of heart, and yet “from the beginning it has not been this way.”

    That’s just my opinion. I know these posts are waaaaaay too long and I should just get my own blog. I didn’t know how strongly I felt about all this until I started writing. Thanks for allowing me the opportunity to pontificate. Oh, wait, that sounds a bit too Catholic. Thanks for letting me spout off.

  13. Quick correction. I think I said “you” (SLW) asked the question in the post to which I was responding, but it was actually Joe Marino. I lost track of my sourcing in my responsing, but it doesn’t change the arguments in any way. Just clarifying.

  14. SLW,
    You said

    I just hope the cure doesn’t end up being worse than the disease.

    My friend is that were true then it would not be the cure. It would simply be another perversion of what God has given us.

  15. Clay,
    I”m about to head out the door to church so I’m going to write quickly. You seem to be arguing from a false antithesis. I’m not arguing that God didn’t give us sex to pro-created. I’m simply saying it’s not an “either or” situation. It’s a “both and.” I know people who stopped having sex because they couldn’t get pregnant. That’s crazy. They actually taught us (I was but a teenager then) that sex for any reason besides procreation is sin. That certainly isn’t found in the Bible either. You said,

    You made some interesting points, but I don’t think you followed the logic of your own argument.

    With respect, I’m not sure you followed yours out all the way. Because if it is an “either or” proposition that you suggest then my friends were correct. You seem to make some correlations in your post that I’m not sure I accept scientifically. For instance, you seem to draw a connection between birth control and miscarriages. My wife has lost three babies so I know the pain of losing a baby.

    In short, I think you made some conclusions about me that are reaching. How do you know what I believe about birth control? Do you know how many Children I have? Or how far apart they are? This essay was maybe a couple of thousand words long. It certainly wasn’t the last word on the subject.
    Having said that, I think that the subject of birth control is probably one best settled between a Christian and the working of the Holy Spirit in their life.
    Peace!

  16. Joe,

    Thanks for the reply. This is not really my soapbox (really), and I have absolutely no desire to become an adversarial blogger. In fact, I think it’s an important discussion, and I appreciate your comments. Anyway, I’ll go away now, but before I do let me just correct some misconceptions about my comments in your last post.

    1. I agree with your premise about orgasms and sex. Also with you, I disagree strongly that procreation is the only reason for sex (never said that). I simply made the point that I blieve it is biblically indefensible to suggest that God created sex (orgasm) as something he intended for us to pursue independently of conception. The two are inseparable in Scripture.

    2. I was not trying to make an “either-or” argument about birth control, but rather a “both-and” argument about the reason and purpose of orgasms in God’s divine design, and the implications that follow. Following the logic that God created orgasms for our pleasure as married couples, leads naturally to inferring from other physiological design factors that God created the sexual experience also for procreation, not just (only) for pleasure. In my reading of Scripture, it’s clearly both-and, but that is not the message of the church.

    3. I never drew a connection between birth control and my wife’s miscarriages, nor intended to suggest such a connection, and apologize to you and your readers if I failed to make that clear. In fact, three of the miscarriages occured long after we had stopped using birth control, and had already had other children (obviously without it). My point was simply our own personal regret over what blessings we might have missed because we chose out of ignorance early in our marriage to separate what God had joined–sex and conception.

    4. I have no idea what you believe about birth control, or how many children you have, and never asked. I’m trying hard to see where I made any personal “conclusions” about you anywhere in my comments that were not directly related to the content of your post. If I did, I apologize. Since you invited response with questions in your post, I was simply interacting with the “ideas” that you posted, not with you personally. I inadvertently thought in subsequent posts I was interacting with the “poster” (your name is not on the post), so I apologize for that, but I was still trying hard to respond to the ideas raised in the original post.

    5. I also agree, and said so, that God has given us freedom in the Spirit in marriage to decide about birth control. My point, though, is that I think the church is unwittingly following the beat of the culture’s drum concerning sexuality, rather than following the beat of God’s heart. I think the mind of the church on sexuality is so shaped by secular culture that it has lost its ability to simply teach and hold up God’s ideals for sex that are, to me anyway, plain and clear. In the same way that I, like you, don’t want the church teaching that the only reason for sex is procreation, I also don’t want the church teaching that the only reason for sex is pleasure. As Jesus said, “from the beginning it has not been this way.”

    I agree with you that there is much, much more that could be said. You are obviously an intelligent and thoughtful person, with some great biblical insights that challenged me and got me thinking. However, I’m a stranger intruding on your blog with way too much TMI, for which I apologize. I’ll go start my own “Sex for Fun and Prophets” website. 🙂 As my 18yo son likes to say…peace out.

  17. Ok, if you do start the “Sex for Fun and Prophets” webpage let me know I’ll pimp it for you.
    As for not coming back, don’t be silly, come back often and join the discussion.
    I love discussing things.
    I’m sorry if I misread your original two posts. In going back I can see how maybe some of your statements that I took to mean me may have been directed at SLW. BTW, I have three kids. You can see a sweet video of them by going to the link below.
    Peace!

    http://www.joemartino.name/metamorphic/2007/04/newport_aquariu.html

  18. Thanks. I do like the idea of this blog, so I’m sure I’ll lurk around. I like being challenged to think biblically. However, as you can see, I am not very good at economy of words in the more punctuated and pithy world of contemporary blogging.

    Great looking kids…beautiful. That really takes me back (as does Joe Cocker). Blessings.

  19. Joe…another great post….sorry I haven’t chimed in before now but I have been freakishly busy.

    Clay…I ditto what Joe said…come back anytime. And don’t worry about the “economy of words”..You can use as many as you need to get the point across.

    Peace!

  20. Pingback: Top 10 Posts For 2007…so far! « Relevant Christian Blog

  21. Clay your post was thoughtful and beautiful. ANd the fact that you are 55 and the father of 4 is important. We really need to listen to those who have matured in the faith, and in marriage and parenthood.

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